Comment on self-image

I was just going through some old pictures looking for something, and I came across some high school pictures and got lost in them. Especially proms and graduation... and something struck me. I was pretty. I mean, I came across jr. prom pics, and I hardly recognize me. In that dress, at that moment, I was gorgeous.

I wish I had known that then.

After I put them away. I wandered into the bathroom and stared at my image, frizzy rainy-day hair, smudgy mascara, and TAKS-bags under the eyes. And I wonder... in ten years, will I look back at the few pictures I have of myself now and think the same thing? And does it/will it matter? What I look like is not nearly as important to me now as it was back then. That's pretty obvious. :) But back then I was so absorbed with it, and I didn't see what was there...

Not really sure where I'm going with that, but I do know this. When I look in the mirror, I see ME. I know who I am, and I know what's important.
And I like me, frizz and all.

Two Year Stats

I know these are a little overdue, but for memories sake, here are Tater's measurements at his two-year appointment:
Height - 35 3/4 inches (80%)
Weight - 27 lbs (35%)
Head - 19 1/2 (71%)

So he's a tall skinny kid with a big ol' head. This I knew. I am glad to see he's closer to the "average" range with his weight. I always worry he's too skinny, that he doesn't eat enough... At his 18 month appt, he had just gotten over a stomach bug and hadn't eaten much for 4 days. He measured in the 9th percentile for weight - I felt like a horrible mother.

But now he's great. He is on track with everything he should be - has more than enough vocabulary for his age ("Does he say at least 20 words?" Um yeah, every five minutes!) and is even normal in his new sleep strike issues.

I can't believe my baby boy is 2. A toddler. A "biboy" as he says.

Owie Drama

Evidently, Tater hurt his knee at school today. He had a pinhead-sized scab on his little knee, but it must cause him great pain, because he fussed about it the whole way home from Nana's.

He carried on this toddler diatribe:
"Owie on MY knee, Mama! Owie right there"
"My fall down. Hurts, Mom"

"Look, my show you, Mom. Hurt MY knee"

"Problem MY knee - my show you (what) happened"

"Owie right... Ooo, another one owie MY leg. Kiss it Mama - my kiss it. Mmmmwah"
"Kiss other one owie. Mmmmwah"
"Need hair band (band-aid) MY knee Mom."

And it just went on and on... who knew a two-year old could come up with so many ways to tell me he'd hurt himself? He certainly can be the little drama queen... or king, or whatever.

Well, we certainly had to get that taken care of as soon as we got home. We got a hair band, I mean, band-aid and made it all better. So now he's running around showing us his hair band and demanding kisses every ten minutes.

Oh my.

AWOL

I know, I know. I have not posted in forever. There have been 200 things that have been postworthy in the last few weeks, but I have not done it. Why? Because I am tired. My body is tired, my brain is tired and my heart is tired. I honestly don't know how I'm still sitting up right now. But I promise, I will have energy and post again someday - maybe even before TAKS is over. T-minus 14 days and counting. Sad how one little test can completely suck the life out of you.

Tater's 2nd Birthday

My baby boy is two years old. Although if you ask him if he's two, he replies, "No! I Tater!"

On his "real" birthday, Sam and I took him to school and had cupcakes with his little class. It was so cute - they all ate the tops off (because that's where the icing is) and left the rest. I hope all the other moms can forgive me for the sugar rush their kids surely went home with that day!

Then on Sunday evening, we had his party here at the house. Since Finding Nemo is his favorite movie (we had to watch it EVERY DAY last summer), we had a Nemo party, or "parley" as Tater said over and over. He was so excited to have everyone over. It was not a huge deal, but it was so much fun. I was over the moon seeing my house full of family. Both my sweet sisters managed to make it to town to help celebrate; we were missing some family due to illness and distance, but it was still a blast.

Nana made an incredible Nemo birthday cake that Tater was so excited about. He was definitely into blowing out those candles - he knew exactly what to do. He was a little nervous to get too close to the flame, but he got it after only 3 tries. The rest of the "meal" had a sea theme too. The kids ate shells and cheese and octopus dogs. The grown-ups had submarine sandwiches, shrimp salad and chicken salad made by Grandma (thank you!!). And we all had ocean fruit salad (compliments of blue food coloring) and birthday cake for dessert. Tater made such a fun mess with it. My goodness, there were crumbs everywhere. Then Tater and Jordan played and played and played. They chased each other around the house until we had to impose "walking feet" rules. They played with the new Mr. Potato head and played doctor with the animal hospital set. Tater was listening to Jordan's "boom boom."

I just still can't believe he is already two. But at the same time, I honestly have to look at pictures to really remember what he was like when he was tiny. Watching him grow has been the best experience of my life. I can't wait to see what will come next. I often get overwhelmed with God's grace. I could never deserve the joy this little boy brings me, and I am beyond grateful. Thank you Father, for entrusting me with this precious child.

Peace that passes ALL understanding

Our God is an amazing God. I promised you insight to my newest discovery, and here it is.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

I finally get it. God's plan is not for me to be a stay-at-home mom. I may want it, but for whatever reasons, His reasons, it's not in His will. That's not the big part of it though... the big deal is, I'm OK with that. I mean, I'm completely and totally ok and AT PEACE with working while raising my toddler. In fact, I was going to post this early last week, but I needed to wait through this week of Spring Break heaven with my child to be sure it was a God thing and I was still ok. And I am. And it is. A God thing, I mean. There is no possible way I could let go of this dream without His peace. I still don't fully understand how, but I think I'm finally truly learning to "Let go and let God."

Let me give you the background... Our bible study at church is discussing what we were "made" for, and one verse kept tugging at me.

"My thoughts and my ways are higher than yours"

Isaiah 55:9

And it finally hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm such a selfish creature; I'd been so wrapped up in what I wanted that I wasn't at all worried about what God wanted for me. And what he wanted me to DO. We're not put on this earth for ourselves, or even just for our own families. We're herer to do whatever it is He wants us to do. And until I quit whining about what I wanted Him to do for me, I would never see what He wants me to do for Him. He's got the big picture in mind, while I couldn't see past my four walls. I know how big a responsibility I have for Tater. And I take that very seriously; I am working hard to train him up in the way he should go. But he's not my only responsibility. God has something else for me to do.

"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek with me with all of your heart."

Jeremiah 29: 12-13

I'm not sure what exactly God has planned for me yet. But I do know that I want to find out. And I'm more receptive to hear His answer now. And I truly want to do His will, instead of hiding behind... well, whatever's handy. I know I don't want to hide behind my child; I had to let go of this to open up my heart to fully seek Him. Above all else, I am truly grateful. Grateful for His sacrifice, His love and especially His peace. I am humbled to be called a Child of God.

This day

Thank you Father for this day. My heart smiles after a day like today.

Today was our big play-date with our small group from church. We six women had five kids ages 3 and under running around this house, and I loved every second of it. Amazingly enough, they all played together pretty well - no fights, minimal tantrums. They all sat down to eat together at the little table, and it was too cute. Only lasted about 5 minutes, but still...

My favorite part, though, was having my friends in my house. It was so great to just sit and relax with the girls, with nothing terribly important to discuss - just chatting, looking at sonogram pics (3 of the 6 of us are preggers!), eating guacamole and coralling the kids. I think we all had fun - I know I did!

Then Tater and I took a nap together, did a little Easter craft and played outside with Daddy. It was a simple, simply perfect day. Nothing huge, but beautiful. These days are when I am the happiest. I live for them. But yet... no - I'll save that for another post. Watch for my epiphany, coming soon.